Maybe you’ll love me when I fade to black…

By Kyle Kilat

I'm like, ‘Fuck critics. You can kiss my whole asshole / If you don't like my music you can press fast-forward'

The first time I heard Jay spit those lines on "99 Problems," I loved it. The swagger in Hov's delivery hit me as hard through my headphones as Rick Rubin's blistering beat, my face twisted up, and my head nodded in approval.

That was 2003, when my second year in college had just begun, and The Black Album was the soundtrack of my life. At a time when I was stumbling through a journey of self-discovery, and struggling to carve out my place in the world, Jay-Z's music played a significant role in strengthening my stride - I needed more self-confidence, more swagger, and Hov's lyrics helped ignite and fuel that fire within me.

That wasn't the only timely gift that I have gleaned from Jay's music, though, and it certainly will not be the last. As I continue to move through life, I dig through Hov's discography time and time again, and turn to his words as a source of further insight into the world around me, and inspiration to improve my place within it. So it is no exaggeration to say Jay-Z's music has had a significant impact on the path my life has taken since I really started to open myself up to his art - and I feel truly blessed by how things have turned out because of that.

You want to know the sad part, though? Not long before The Black Album dropped, I actually was a Hov hater. I was a passionate critic, and I was proud to be fast-forwarding through his music.

I used to think that I was a "real" hiphop head, and that Jay-Z represented everything that was wrong with the art form and culture that I loved.

However, the unfortunate reality is that I was the one who better represented what was wrong with hiphop - I was closed-mindedly sitting on my high-horse, and turning my nose up at artists that I never even took the time to really listen to.

Fortunately, I came across some great friends who wouldn't let that slide (huge ups to my man Ed), and who finally opened up my mind to the gift of Hov's art.

Which brings me to the point of this stream of consciousness: paying this gift forward.

For those of you who remain critics of Jay-Z, as I once was, I challenge you to honestly answer this question - originally posed by Hov in his song "Renegade" - for yourself:

Do you fools listen to music, or do you just skim through it?
If you have only skimmed through Hov's music - or worse, fast-forwarded through it completely - then simply put, you are not doing his art, or hiphop as a whole, justice.

Would you quickly leaf through The Symposium, and conclude that all Plato has to offer are tales of drinking and sex? Would you pass on Shakespeare, because you found Romeo and Juliet to be rife with violence? Would you put down The Catcher in the Rye, because you don't agree with Holden Caulfield's questionable character?

Of course not... You fully immerse yourselves in these great pieces of art. You read them intently, and then re-read them again and again. You analyze every passage, down to every word. You ask questions, and seek out answers. You write papers, and give presentations about them. You discuss and debate them with other intelligent people...

You tirelessly scour these great pieces of art in search of valuable insights that will help you better understand the ways of the world, and your existence within it.
And one day you send your children to school, so they can do the same.

Why is it so hard, then, for us to approach hiphop music with the same openness, and intense desire to learn more about ourselves and the world around us?

If you haven't already, I cannot encourage you strongly enough to do just that with Jay-Z's music. Immerse yourself in it - from "Money, Cash, Hoes," to "December 4th" - and open up your mind to the insights and gifts that his lines are laced with.

Who knows, Young Hov just might change your life.

He changed mine.

But as Jay-Z, himself, says:

If you can't respect that, your whole perspective is wack / Maybe you'll love me when I fade to black...